Love At First Sight
More often than not, ‘love at first sight’ is the doorway to trouble. I don’t want to seem cynical. It is just that with my six decades on earth, I think I know what I’m talking about.
I have spent much time living with and making love with amazing women with who I connected because of an instant attraction.
When I met my wife, I was already involved with the most beautiful of all of these lovers. A young model, she was smart, sensual, erotic, etc. Man, did people stare at us when we went out for dinner. Waiters brought us free dessert just so they could look at her. She was great…but she wasn’t a keeper.
She could be a bit selfish, with her orgasms and with the potato chips on her lunch plate, and she was a bit of a complainer when things didn’t go her way.
So, through some twist of fate, or the intervention of angels I ended up marrying a woman that I seemed to have nothing in common. She came from a different country, religion, etc., and had a different temperament, and personal style than I.
We never really dated.
I said “hi”, and she said “hi” back; two phone calls, and an invitation for her to come to visit. That was it.
She flew back to NYC from her home country. She stayed for a week, and as she packed her bags to fly back home I began to cry and begged her not to leave and she didn’t. We were engaged three weeks later and married in a year.
She made sure all of my exes were invited to the wedding, including the model.
That was twenty-three years ago. We have a wonderful and fulfilling marriage that was definitely not based on ‘love at first sight’.
We are both friends with the model and her husband, one of my friends who felt love at first sight for her. They seem happy as well. If she and I had gotten married, because of that “love at first sight” thing and all the dopamine, brain chemicals, and hormones that go with it, we probably would not have lasted. Of this, we are both sure.
As for my wife and I?… We each offered the other everything that we each needed. Similar values, loyalty, and so on and so forth. Over time, with plenty of ups and downs, often connected to our difference in temperament, and personal style, we simply grew in love, and really made it work. We were also able to put up with each other’s least desirable qualities.
So knowing that I chose a “keeper’ over “love at first sight”, what wisdom do I have to share?
To experience love at first sight, is to feel an instant, extreme, and hopefully long-lasting romantic attraction for a stranger upon first seeing that stranger. Described by poets and critics since the emergence of ancient Greece, falling in love, at first sight, has become one of the most common tropes in Western fiction, and in the worst-case scenarios, one of the greatest fantasies for immature romantics desperate for love.
If you get to experience love at first sight in your life enjoy the roller coaster ride, because this kind of love, and it is an authentic form of love, will usually not carry you through the long-haul. As I like to say to my students ‘“love at first sight, and the romantic love that comes with it is seldom the foundation upon which a solid, sustainable relationship can be built upon
In an abundant and love-filled life, you can re-invent your story. You can re-invent the game of your life and by doing so you can experience a type of freedom that you never imagined possible. Now I’m not suggesting you lie about your past. I’m recommending you meditate on what you have been, done, and who you are now.
So as you can see human beings are hard-wired to create meaning even where there may not be any. To live life without meaning is to live without experiencing love and to slide into despair.
This love grows over time. we understand the different types of love out there, we can become conscious of how deep our connection is with ourselves and the other people in our lives.
Are you having a hard time loving in these times? Learn to love through my series of short stories on “Love!”
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About the Author: Lewis Harrison, is a student of love. A Results-Oriented Life Coach, speaker, and strategist specializing in Self Improvement, Personal Development, Love, and Happiness.
I’m passionate about offering advice on creativity, innovation, inspiration, self-improvement, life lessons, mental health information, love, & movie reviews.
I am also always exploring trends, innovations, areas of interest, and solutions to build new stories upon. If you have any ideas you would like me to write about just email me at LewisCoaches@gmail.com
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